Sanctus Est

New Site

2007-03-03T14:35:00.001Z

Well I have a new site (well not so new really) which is
why I haven't posted anything on here for a looooong time.

The site is www.freewebs.com/alanna_halfelven

Enjoy.

Maybe I'll come back to blog or perhaps delete my blogs.
Though I'm not sure I have the heart to because I put
effort and time into them.

Take care,

The elf X

Poetry corner!

2006-07-23T08:48:00.000Z

Hi! Well I thought I would share my
recent poems. There are 4 here so happy
reading! The first two are a pair.
If you can, let me know what you think
and take your time.

Morning Star (1/06/06)

Her eyes glimmer with hope,
Her sweetness reveals a light,
Her heart is filled with love
And her wisdom shines pure light.

O mysterious beauty,
O beautiful mystery,
The sun and moon adornes
Thou House of gold and roses

The Sun

His eyes shine with fire,
His heart is ever expanding,
His good judgement is fair,
He loves beyond understanding.

O wonderful mystery,
O mysterious wonder,
You are pure majesty,
Your grace is in me forever

I hope to love

I wish to love thee
Like the others before me.
I wish to kiss thee
Like the heavenly light.

But alas! I have not the strenghth,
I have not te means to guideth
Only you can provideth
Only your grace and love can.

An ancient home (22/07/06)

Remnants of a fire roasting...
The flames skip in the dead of night,
The daubed wattle hides the lights of the sky,
Only seen through small gaps, peek a boo.

Laughter and songs ring in the air,
The shields and swords reflect those times -
Hung in glory,
A glory of a people.
Lives held precious,
Times held dear.

The glitter of the torques and daily pans,
The glitter in the eyes shared young and old
For a time.

Long ago people lived
To the crackling sound of fire and life.

A home.

Long time no see.

2006-06-29T12:58:00.000Z

Been quite busy. A lot's been going on so I haven't
really typed anything for a while.

I think I might use this space for creating
only now; for poetry, spaced out thoughts
on films, LOTRs etc.

Okay well I guess that's not that much different
from before but it's just without the everyday
kind of news.

I have another blog that's been up for a while
called specialis cella. The link's in
my profile. I just haven't told
anyone until now. I was keeping it a secret
because it was created for my thoughts and
feelings from a Catholic perspective. I
didn't want to be discouraged by people on
that site by family or friends.
But I see that you have to keep it real and
reveal who you truely are no matter what the
reactions. So I'm sort of laying myself bare.
I leave the rest to God. It might be the case
that hardly anyone will go on it anyway.

2006-04-11T15:00:00.000Z

And it's Holy Week! Thank God Jesus did what he did.

Thanks be to God for everything,
Thanks be to Jesus for the teachings and sacrifice,
Thanks be to Mary for being a new mother for a new covenant,
Thanks be to the disciples for spreading the truth,
Thanks be to the sponsors and carers for Jesus and his troop,
And thanks be for all Christ's family past, present and future.

(Click on the pics and look in the nav bar to see where they're from)

...

2006-04-07T21:20:00.000Z

Tired, want to chill out, am chilling out, yay for evening surfing!

Late night surfing

2006-03-22T23:43:00.000Z

Well it's late. It's around 11:30pm.
Went to cell group tonight and it was cool. Well it was okay.
It wasn't brilliant or gob smackingly amazing but it nice to hang
out with people and got some positive stuff.

Hmmm I think I'm going through a transformation at the mo;
with the church difficulties and thoughts on Catholicism. It's just
interesting to see how all of this will go. Been to a RC church
the other day, just praying. I woke up in a bad mood that day
and I'm glad I went.

I have a casual job so yay I can get some cash.
Involves working for a company's Interior designer.
Basicly lifting and assembling flat-pack furnature in apartments
around East London. Also helping to make the apartments look
presentable. Good for getting to know even more about the city
and of course assembling furniture will come in handy I'm sure.
I managed to assemble two tables and four chairs on my own
from instructions yay. Not to mention all the excersise. Man am
I achey today! Yesterday was the first time I worked for them.
It's not a permanent job and they don't need me every day.
It's a bit of cash and I'm grateful for it. Still want to get a proper
job.

Thanks to Rach, my friend from church who works with them
and got me the job! And of course thanks ultimately to God
for it all!

Well I need to get some kip. Hopefully my tutor will send my
assignment. I'm beginning to think that she's lost it!!!!

Update!

2006-03-06T18:48:00.000Z

Well it's been a while!

Time to seek solice in writing and reflecting!
Been busy for the past few days. Been doing a lot of
studying to get my Assignment finished. It's going
quite well. Right now though I need a break! Didn't
sleep so well last night. The cat jumped on me at
about 4am. Couldn't get to sleep properly after
that!

Hmmm well...
Haven't done anything to my other site for a while.
I've been reading up on Catholicism and been
continuing a journey. The more I find out, the more
I feel like I may convert. The thing that attracted me
in the first palce was their love of God, the drive to
find out more about God, to get deeper in a
relationship with him and to grow in understanding.
From there I've been hooked. Truth is, I have been
so desperate for more of God that I have opened up
to possibilities. I had never before entertained the
idea that the Catholics might be right in their
doctrines (the ones that differ from Protestant ones).
You can't knock them unless you delve deeper and
find out what their arguments are. It also takes a
degree of faith I think. Just like in Christianity
generally. You don't understand everything
about it but you're willing to give it a go.

I'm certainly in that place with Catholicism. I'd
like to read Story of a Soul by St Therese of
Lisieux next. If only I had the money...

I went to Mass on Sunday and it was pretty cool!
I will check out other denominational churches
as well. Seeing if God wants to move me from my
current church and seeing if he's leading me
towards Catholicism. The church I went to is defo
an option on my list.

A few days ago I found a poem on here that I
wrote ages ago! I was really suprised that I
managed to write it and even more suprised was
that I wrote it quite quickly. I'm going to post it
again because I love it! I did change the very last
line though because I thought it sounded right.
Here it is:

As I look into a window called fantasy,
Wisdom glows bright.
The light shimmers from her eyes,
And tells of delight.

Understanding and over-ruled by love,
She glides over the surface,
Guided by one true love.

Peace and serenity are in her eyes,
And experience,
A tale of many woes,
Spoken from a past life.

Now complete happiness guides her eyes,
And they speak,
They tell of truth and born majesty.

A crown is placed on her head,
And jewels glitter on her robe,
But all the more powerful and potent,
Is her fire within.

Inspired by Galadriel.

NEW WEBSITE!

2006-02-16T11:03:00.000Z

Hi guys!

Yep I have a new site!

Update and Norse Mythology!

2006-02-11T11:49:00.000Z

(Yggdrasil the world tree)

Hello!

Well I've been reading Norse Mythology for the past few weeks
out of interest. I picked up the book because someone I knew was
a pagan and worshipped the Norse gods. She said that she could
worship any type of god but the Norse were the ones she related
to the most. I'd never met a pagan before and asked her some
questions. It got me wondering why the Norse Mythologies
would relate to her so much. It's been in the back of my mind for
quite a while.

Anyway, after that, I caught the book lying on a table after one
of my bros used it. So I started reading. I was suprised to see how
familiar they seemed. I read some of them when I was younger
but reading them again, I realise how much of an impact
they've had on England. I've grown up reading The Narnia
Chronicles and loved it. Then watched the Lord of The Rings
later and read some of the book. Both classics are based on the
Norse myths. Narnia in places and LoTRs almost completely!!!!!

The Anglo-Saxons' myths are based on/are the Norse and
I know that Tolkien studied Saxon Literature. So two
classics based on ancient Saxon/Norse mythology. Then
I found out that our days of the week are named after Norse
and Saxon gods and godess' as well as festivals like Easter
and there are others I can't remember lol. But the whole
bunny and egg thing aparently came from saxon tradition,
not just the name 'Easter' and not only that but Christmas
is on the day of what used to be a saxon festival. Our word
'Hell' even comes from Norse Myth. It comes from their
goddess Hela who was queen of the underworld. I know too
that our language is similar to the Germans in structure.

No doubt could find out more!

Anyway, I thought it was exciting. Just wanted to share!
It's amazing what we've inherited from ancient peoples. It's
comforting to know that after thousands of years, not
everything gets wipped out. People that died long ago
have left us with contibutions to language, art,
entertainment and traces of their own lives. We have
inherited some good things from the past. For me,
this emitts a sense of eternity in humanity.

Another update: I've ordered a cool ring!!!!
I've wanted to have one to symbolise my eternal
realtionship with God. Got the idea from the whole purity
ring concept. This is to symbolise my ongoing
relationship with the Trinity. I got this:

'Polished, all-round enameled
band in Early English style of
medieval tiling.' :-)

Update

2006-02-03T21:56:00.000Z

Been a while since I updated properly.
I've been feeling preeeety good!
My OU course is soon to kick off properly and my prep
for it has been going well. A far cry from my other Uni course.
This time I've been really motivated. I think it's a mixture
between OU study fitting me better than conventional uni and
me learning from previous mistakes. The past couple of years
were mad but I've lean't a lot.

Job seeking is still happening. Stopped working at my previous
job and feeling better for it!

Right now I'm listening to P.O.D, Testify. Copied it from my
bro ;-). Is good!

Cell group still needs to be sorted but I've decided to keep at it.
At the mo it may be a bit tough but my cell leaders plan to move
to a closer location.

I just wonder what the future holds. Things seem to be looking up.

WHICH FEMALE HEROINE ARE YOU?

2006-01-26T17:38:00.000Z

You scored as Joan of Arc.

I am Joan of Arc. I have a strong faith in God. I am not afraid
to challenge conventions or to put myself in a dangerous
position to protect my country. I fight for what I believe in.
Some people have called me crazy.

Accurate for me!!!!!!

I got:
Joan of Arc 88%
Xena, Warrior Princess 71%
Boudicca 54%
Cleopatra 54%
Elizabeth I 50%

POEM!

2006-01-16T20:33:00.000Z

Hemlighet Viska (Secret Whisper)

Nature flows with ease,
Not only in our dreams.

Reflects the mind of the creator,
And how things are meant to be.

Secrets from Eden...
Viska glans
(Whisper brilliance)

Note: other language is Swedish

By me, Alanna_Halfelven

THE FIGHT

2006-01-01T15:45:00.000Z

Well life is interesting.
On a daily basis we are faced with choices:
choices to do what we feel we should be doing or to
cave to temptation and do nothing much.

Every day we can listen to discouragement
from others or ourselves and every day we can accept
or dismiss that satan has any presence.

One moment we feel great and the next we feel naff.

Sometimes even huge blocks of time feels full or tainted
with sadness or hopelesness. From minutes to days to years.

We can do something though. We can do everything we
can to battle those things that hold us back. We can throw
away discouragement (as someone told me a long time ago).
We don't have to take it or listen to or accept it.

We can fight against what circumstance says or looks like
and choose to accept that God is hope and that things
will get better. Just carry on doing what you need to
do in the day. Even if we loose a battle or two, we can
still fight the next day.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

2005-12-23T16:36:00.000Z

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth
peace to men on whom his favor rests."
(Luke 2:14)

Arg!

2005-12-20T13:51:00.000Z

Well I'm ill with a flu type thang. Not nice.
I'm registered with the Open Uni now and am starting to read up
for it. I have loads of prep material to get through too! Oh yes
and a short essay. All before the course begins in Feb! So far I
feel okay about it. In fact the Open Uni are really good in the
way they structure everything.

I'm really happy to get back to studying the things I love. I think
I'll do a degree in Humanities after this Humanities foundation.

Things with God are good.

More fun

2005-12-12T16:24:00.000Z

You are most like Artemis/Diana, the virgin moon
goddess of the hunt, wild animals, healing,
wilderness, virginity, and childbirth. She is
wild, untamed, and free. Anyone may come
before her. Slaves may claim sanctuary in her
temples. She in particular, rewards those who
love nature! Though many love her, she will
never be tied down by any man!

What Greek/Roman Goddess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A bit of fun in the office!

2005-12-07T12:49:00.000Z

Night

?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

PIC OF THE DAY!

2005-12-01T16:03:00.000Z

Love the feel of this pic! (from the King Arthur film.
Pic taken from darkhorizons.com) I like
the battle in the background out of focus. I think it's
a good portrait pic. Looks natural and of course I'm
liking the ancientness of it. However I don't think the
clothes are very accurate. A bit of artistic licensing.
The torc is right but erm... er that's it lol. I still like it though.
I like the patterns of the woad even though there isn't much
of it. The natural expression on Kira's face holds a sense of
wonder which invites the viewer to think. Of course you can
click to see the pic enlarged and I think it looks way more
effective like that. You can also see flecks of mud in the air
which adds to the battle in the background.

I've actually come across a brilliant find today.
Found this e-library with lots of published books readable
online: Questia library

And no I haven't done much today ;-)
Watched the DVD of Demetrius and the Gladiators
It's one of those old epics that lasts for about 4-5
hours.

LIFE IN IT'S ENTIRETY

2005-11-26T14:42:00.000Z

Jesus Jesus Jesus...

Well I still haven't heard from the British Museum yet.
I know they only just stopped recieving application
forms on Thurs but I've been thinking, "what if I don't
get the job?" I know that God's in control but at the
mo I really don't feel like I've got "everything
together". You know, you see other people and you think,
"wow that's sooo cool!" Perhaps the key phrase as always
with me is "don't compare yourself to others". Something
I find myself easily slipping into but at least I'm
aware of it. My brother has an interview with Cambridge
uni, both my bros are back to playing instruments. I am
sooo different right now. I'm okay with it coz I find
comfort in music. Usually rock, hard rock, Christian
gothic. It actually makes me feel better just thinking
about it. I feel like I can identify with the singers
and feel like we have a joint understanding that life
isn't all great. Life has it's downs, challenges,
trials and suffering but we are fighters and we go on.
Some of us try to find Jesus when things are unstable,
hard. We are honest about feeling hurt, lost or upset.
Even times when I feel that my own life isn't so bad,
you can see and hear stories of horrific things that go
on in the world. People everywhere suffer which is a
natural part of life. You cannot escape it, bury your
head in the sand for long. You have to recognize it,
confront it. I believe that it is all for a higher
puropse and will lead to good things. I know that
in my life so far, good things have come from the
bad.

LIFE THROWS A MIXED BAG!

2005-11-21T22:30:00.000Z

Well a good thing is that I'm applying for a job at the British
Museum. I'm applying for the position of Museum Assistant
in the department of pre history and Europe. Hope I get it!

However there is something else that is overshadowing
everything!

Yes there is yet more illness!!!!!!! A friend of mine is in
intensive care on a drip. She has toxic blood poisioning I
think but they're not sure at the mo. What's worse is that
she's in North Carolina miles away from here. One good
thing is that her family are with her and the church they
are holding a conference at is supporting them.

It was very sudden. Only two weeks ago I was sitting next
to her in church laughing and chatting. If she doesnt get
better, if she dies out there, I pray that I find some way of
sending a message before hand. A way to say goodbye. If
she lives I hope I can send a message or something all
the same, to give her some comfort.

It upsets me to think about how she must be suffering.
Especially when I know how my grandad did and every
other person that died this year.

All I can do is pray and today I HAD to spend time with God.
I kept thinking that she'll die. I think with the year I've had,
death has become the expectation. This eve I found myself
talking automaticly as if she is already dead or is certainly
going to die. It's like I'm preparing myself for when it
happends. I've been a bit tearful this eve when I've been
thinking about her.

Only God knows what will happen.

List of the dead this year in order:

One of my mum's friends
A friend of a friend
My grandad (mum's dad)
An elder from my church

Jessie's suddenly become ill and my other grandad's getting
worse. He needs another blood transfusion and is generally
feeling worse.

Amongst this news I know that life must go on and I have a
lot to and this week! I need to focus on my life moving
forwards.

If Jessie lives I will give her a huge hug on her return.
If she dies I will dedicate a post to her and will be sorry to
see her go. I will probably grieve for a while but then look
forward to when I can see her again.

In the mean time, whilst she is ill and whatever happends,
I need to live and keep sight of making my dreams a
reality. Starting with applying for this job amongst other
things. I also praise God for the friends I have and the new
ones I've been making. I'll keep praying for Jessie.

CELTIC SPIRITUALITY AND POEM CORNER

2005-11-17T15:45:00.000Z

Well I know my previous post was a huge evening rant!
I have been praying about things.

Recently I've been reading a book I ordered about
Celtic Christian spirituality. It's a good one at
that! The results have been really good!

The more I've been reading it, the more I realize how
much I am naturally celtic inclined! I didn't even realize
how much before that. Well anyway that's all good.

I've just written a poem:

BOUDICCA OF THE LAND

I see thee Boudicca riding across the land,
I see thee strong and determined,
Gritting teeth in defence of where you stand.

I see thee hugging thy daughters,
I see thee hugging your man,
Filled with love and loyalty for your clan.

I see thy blue cloak,
I see thy precious metals adorned,
Clothed in colours and bands.

I see thy hair flaming,
I see thy person standing in the hills of Britain,
Seeing and dreaming.

Under a banner of stars,
I see thee sleeping.

UPDATE, CULTURE AND HERITAGE!

2005-11-14T14:23:00.000Z

Okay this isn't a picture of me lol but I did have a go at archery
on sat! We had great tuition and I really enjoyed it! I've wanted
to have a go since I was little! I used to pretend to be a red
Indian because I thought it was unfair that the cowboys won
all the time! An example of the rebellious streak I have
perhaps? In fact at times it's been a HUGE streak!

Since then, I've found that my sur name was part of a title and
county that a group of longbow archers came from. This was
during King Richard the Lionheart's reign and they were in a
few battles. I don't know If I am descended from the archers
or not but it's a possibility.

Continuing on about ancestry, over the weekend a friend
referred to herself as Irish and got excited about seeing a
Celtic cross. She has Irish family although she was born
here! With me, I have a mixture of nations in my blood. I
am half white English, half black Guyanese (South
American) and a little bit Spanish. Of course, if you go
back far enough, a lot of people also have mixed
backgrounds! Of course, mine is more apparent.

I don't really feel like I belong to a particular historical
culture or have that sense of a fixed heritage. I feel like
perhaps it's a bit of a tragedy. I love history, different
languages, and cultures! There are some that I feel a
slight connection with e.g. like with those archers.
But ultimately I'm not sure I would be accepted into any
culture completely. Someone said I wasn't English (English
being the heritage) because I have tanned (like Mexican skin)
and a mixture of features. Therefore meaning that I'm not
completely English. Some people have called me black
because I am not as white as they are, or others have
forgotten that I am not Turkish like them. Or white people
will complain about black people to me as if half my family
wern't. On the spot they forget! I fit in everywhere yet not
anywhere fully!

Other than that, I have never been to Guyana, I cannot cook
the food, I don't have the accent or speak any of that slang.
All family moved from there too. The Spanishness in my
family is too far back for me to have picked up on any of the
traditions. I feel more English than anything because that's
the culture that has surrounded me and I've grown up with it!
Plus there is shame in the fact that I am partly descended
from slaves (though my black side of the fam). Not exactly
something to look up to or be proud of. Something that I
really dislike about my heritage. I used to hate it because I
viewed those ancestors as weak. For me an ultimate horror
when I admire strength! Perhaps I feel I have no heritage to be
proud of and any that I could be proud of, I will never be able
to fully claim. At least, not in the eyes of others. Maybe I'm
being paranoid? I just don't know.

I just feel that I am a 20th-21st century English girl. I was
born in this era and in the present culture of this country.
To sum up the mixture historical cultures I have:
1/. I am descended from people that helped the slave trade
2/. I am descended from slaves
3/. Descended from the Spanish
5/. Possibly descended from Medieval archers
4/. Goodness knows what else! From England alone, the
amount of times it was invaded, I could have any or all of
these: Celtic, Roman, Anglo-Saxon, Viking or Norman
blood.

Sure Christianity gives a sense of belonging and family but
in a literal sense, I have no strait cut history. Perhaps my
biggest concern is that I will not be fully accepted by any
culture even when I admire so many.

In a world where people tend to look back and say "I am
Welsh and my heritage is celtic" or whatever, I guess I feel
left out! So many people say things like that.

My mum says that me and my bros are people of the future
because people are becoming more and more mixed.
People have said that mixed race people are often very good
looking because of the mix. But in all of this, people are
always looking for some kind of heritage to belong to. Even
in Christianity, the different styles e.g. Catholic, Anglican,
Greek Orthadox etc etc are styles developed by time and
culture. Me? I belong to a non-denominational church fueled
by a recent revival. No traditions, no connections to specific
culture.

And so I go on being Ecclectic in my styles. I dip into reading
about different cultures and always feeling that I may never
belong to any because I belong to most!

Maybe God can reconcille these issues within me. Until now,
I have told no one about this. I've known these things and
the thoughts have been there for a long time. However, I
never wanted to think about it. I usually think I'm being silly.
I usually just push it to the backof my mind. Maybe I should
pray about it? In all this time I don't think I've ever really
talked to Jesus about it.

Another update: I may do a foundation course in Humanities
with the Open University (equivalent to 2 A-levels). Along
side working at the Estate Agents (hopefully). After that
I would do a degree somewhere.

"LIFE, OH LIFE, OH LIIIIIIIIIIFE, OH LIFE. DO DO DA DO"...

2005-11-10T16:25:00.000Z

What to say, oh what to say.

Clatterings and calls,
Phoning in endlessly.
Chattering and clomping.

Cars drive past and people pop in,
People pop pop popping,
Oh what a din!

Bags under eyes, groans and sighs.
Typing, reading and procrastinating.
Thinking of my future,
Thinking whirls within
And wishing that I was not here.

Well that sums up my day at work pretty much!!!

MY LIFE AS WE KNOW IT

2005-11-05T09:49:00.000Z

Well what can I say?

I'm here at work he he!
Okay here goes an update:

- I finally got an appointment with the job
centre this week! I got my job seeker's allowance!
-On the same day (Wens) my boss offered me
a full time job! It's at the place I've been working
at part time for about a year or so! Woo!
I've been praying about whether to take it or not
and so far I've only come up with pros so I most
likely will! She just needs to get back to me
about pay! Long hrs is the only possible downside.

Still, I'll keep an eye open for what else is out
there.

(You know, I think I'm giving myself a headache
with all the exclamation marks in this post lol).

Zone of Wierdness!

2005-10-31T11:13:00.000Z

Arg! I still feel tired this morn!
I've had a really good weekend. The Revolution conference
at my church has been great!!!!!! It's been so much fun,
the worship was fab and we went out on the streets to heal
and prophecy to people. Also, the guest speakers were great!

God was there in a BIG way which is the thing that matters most!

This morning I think the tiredness has caught up with me!!!!
I also have a slight headache! Thing is now, I'm not sure what to
do with myself! I suppose just look for a job and keep trying to
ring up the job centre!

I'm actually awaiting a ring
I ordered from Egyptian Dreams!

Hopefully it'll come soon!

You know, while I'm on the subject of Egypt, there have been
great new dramas on the BBC! Yesterday there was one about
Carter who discovered Tutankhamen's tomb, a documentatry
about Ancient Egypt and on Wednesday there's a new drama
series about ancient Romans! Great!

The other thing I wanted to mention was that I've added another
site to the Personal Site section. Jolanda's a fab newish mate of
mine!! She's lovely! She's at my church on the School of Worship
at the mo and actually from Holland. You can follow her
progress at her site www.jolandagoesengland.com
Aw luv her to bits!

Arg headache coming and going. Screen... Bright...

----------------

Okay I'm adding this... I've just prayed about my headache and
it went strait away! Why I didn't think of it earlier I don't know!

Update!

2005-10-25T16:21:00.000Z

Well I thought it was about time I updated!

1/. My grandad's funeral is on Thursday and me and my
bros are doingreadings. There will be about 250 people!
2/. A conference at my church is starting on the same day
and will run til Sunday. I'm helping out a little. Looking
forward to it!
3/. I've had some very nice e-mails from a friend and a
recent kind of pen pal lol.
4/. Sunday was great! Felt all warm and fuzzy because
people werebeing very lovely. Also got prayed for and
had some words from God which was great!
5/. Been playing Diablo 2 on the comp again. Pretending
to be an Amazon battling evil. It's a well cool RPG game!
Almost finished now!

Brrrrrr I'm sitting in the study freezing my fingers off!
It's cold in here! One of the coldest rooms in the house.

Hmmmm thoughts?

Been reflecting on what God said to me on Sunday. Wrote
them in my journal like I usually do!

Result: Feeling encouraged, no longer feeling guilty
about my stuffing up uni, feeling okay about where I am
at the mo, more positive about decision making for next
year, feeling more confident and reassured. God said he
was pleased with me! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

All encouraging stuff.

Besides this, I've been thinking about what ways are best
for spending time with God, I've been reflecting about my
passion for history and I have been tempted to buy another
dagger to display. It's nice but I'd rather buy a smaller one
this time.

Pic of the day:

Vintage Feast

2005-10-17T18:04:00.000Z

My grandad died this morning. Some cool stuff happened today.
Can't really be bothered to go into details.

Yeah I think the timing for us and my grandad was right. Glad
his suffering's over and we're all quite happy in general.
My mum and aunt said they were in a "surreal place".
That would probs describe most of the family. All in all we're
in good spirits. We all got a chance to say goodbye over the
weekend! I am glad because I was away for a few days last
week and he could have died any moment. I prayed though,
that God would keep him alive long enough for me to be able
to say good bye and thanks. He was in a type of coma but he
may have heard us. In my opinion he probably did!

We all had a good time together. Like I said, lots of cool stuff
happened today but I doubt anyone wants to read for much
longer!

So here's to the chance to live *Cheers*
I know my Grandad is enjoying himself now.

Praise God!

Vintage Fest by Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema

MYSTERY

2005-10-11T15:03:00.000Z

Recently I watched a scene from The Passion of Christ again. It's where Claudia Procles/Procula warns Pilate after her dream: "NOLI HUNC HOMINEM GALILAEUM CONDEMNARE. SANCTUS EST" ("do not condemn this Galilean. He is Holy").

In the Bible it says "While Pilate was sitting on the judge's seat, his wife sent him this message: "Don't have anything to do with that innocent man, for I have suffered a great deal today in a dream because of him." (Matthew 27:19)

I wonder what was in the dream!

I find her role fascinating. She is mentioned hardly at all in the Bible yet it's amazing. The fact that God revealed himself to her, a pagan Roman in a dream shows something huge. He not only talked to her but revealed to her that Jesus was innocent. The question is why? Why if God knew that Pilate would sentence Jesus to death anyway? The answer perhaps is their own salvation. Who knows? She could have been saved. Pilate even.

In the film she's fleshed out more as a person. She's given a few scenes and I like that. In the film the people are made more real to us. I wonder what it would be like to meet them? Claudia and others in the Bible have been given myths over time. Amazing to think that she is only given a verse in the Bible yet many have been speculating about her life, along with Pilate's.

Both Claudia and Pontius hold some of my favorite scenes in the film.

A couple of cool quiz results! And yes I'm in the office... :-p

2005-10-06T12:45:00.000Z

Your are a queen. Not just any queen but your like
a warrior. You are a very warrior and have a
rich and powerful kingdom, that most other
kingdoms will fight to try to get. You
headstrong and fight in what you believe in.
Your kingdom loves you for that but they wish
their land wouldn't get into so many wars with
others but their happy to live in the rich and
powerful land. Your king would have to be just
as strong and brave as you. Powerful and
demanding. A leader, and never take as second
place. You and him will be very powerful. He
would still be caring and loving.
Name: Katsuo is a name for victory. It matchs you
perfectly.

Are You A Princess Or A Queen? (Beautiful pictures with good details and 8 diferent results)
brought to you by Quizilla

Girl Name: Mistress Acaia

Guy Name:Sir Sebastain

* I see
sadness in your heart*

You carry too many
secrets in your heart. You should really try
and vent about things more often.

What Is Your Goth Name?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Death comes to us all"-Mort, Terry Pratchett

2005-10-04T11:57:00.000Z

There's a season for everything
and it seems that now is the
season for death. One of my
grandad's cancer has gotten
worse over the weekend and my
other grandad was diagnosed with
it last week. There was a newsletter
to my parents today to say that one of the elders in the church has died
of cancer. She was diagnosed a few weeks ago. It seems that God's
doing some collecting and the disease of the age is cancer. For every
age there is a disease whether it's TB in the Regency period or the
plague in the Stuart's. "Death comes to us all" and in a way that
not all of us would want.

But although we will suffer and it
seems a little gloomy, God will
always be with us in our grieving.
He would never leave us stranded.
Amoungst the struggles and suffering that makes us stronger, Y'shua is
with us, holding our hands in the middle of a storm. We are free to cry
and grieve in the arms of a friend.

I pray for the strength to stay
strong for those that need it.
For my grandads as they
degrade in health and pass
from one world to the next,
however long that may be.

So far in Alanna's world...

2005-09-28T19:24:00.000Z

I went to stay at a friend's in Kent (not too far) Thurs-Sat! Was V cool!
Hung out, did Bible study, prayed, met one of her friends, went to
Canterbury, prayed with another one of her friends and walked around
some fields. Lovely!!!!! I haven't blogged for an ickle while because I
was trying to think of something significant to say but then I thought...
Oh whatever lol! I know I'll end up typing more than I thought I would
anyway! Well, I've been thinking about an idea of what to do with my
life! I've been thinking for a while about going to the London School
of Theology!

So far it's seemed like a real possibility! I know I could
get in there and it looks like what I might need! It's a combination
of study (a Theology degree) and real spirituality! Looks like there
would be quite a nice community too! I would like to know more
about the Bible and this seems like a good thing even though it is
kinda different from the last degree I attempted!

Hmmm I thought I would add some spirituality to my blog. Talk about
some spiritual stuff rather than the usual ramble I do! So far things with
God have been going quite well. I hadn't spent much time with God at all
over the past few weeks. It's been more like... "God I pray for this, this
and this" rather than spending actual time! I started to feel like
something was missing and yet I wasn't too bothered about it. You know,
you just get on with whatever you have to do.

When I went to my friend's that started to change. Just the night before I
went I had a dream that my mum interpreted in the morning. Part of it
was the need for me to read more of God's word! Over the past couple
of days I've taken time out to do some Bible study, including with my
friend Linzy when I stayed round. Good so far! I've felt the Holy Spirit
and it's shown me pictures to help me understand the scripture I've been
reading! Good to take notes as well. Any thoughts that come to mind while
reading.

At first it was difficult to settle down. Every time I thought about sitting
down and doing that, I thought of a million and one things I
should/want to do!

But this came to mind which is one of my favorite stories and is only
short. God brought it to mind no doubt ;-). It's this story about
Martha and Mary.

Anouncement!!!!

2005-09-18T08:02:00.000Z

I cannot go back to uni!!!!
Thanks to all those that prayed for me! I got a clear answer from uni.

What happends next? Well I'll have to look around!
I have a few ideas but we shall see!
If I want to enroll on another course than I have to decide where
and what quickly! Will prabably look for a job. Could go on a
school of ministry or work with a gap year org in another country.

Prayers are welcome to keep coming as I decide what to do next.

More thoughts

2005-09-16T15:24:00.000Z

Well right now I've just been loading my files onto a new comp.
Uni still hasn't contacted me on whether I can go back or not.
May have to call although there should be a letter coming.
Went to work this morning. Will be working all day tommorrow.

I'm in a relaxed mood right now. Not too many thoughts
going through my head. Just chilling out. Laid back.
Thinking.. I like the look of my blog, I like our new comp
and thinking about changing my desktop wallpaper.
Hopefully will pursuade my parents to watch
Run Lola Run/Lola Rent tonight! Great film!

*sigh* Just soooooo relaxed....

Well I'm in the office playing games :-)...

2005-09-13T12:38:00.000Z

You Should Learn Swedish

Fantastisk! You're laid back about learning a language - and about life in general.
Peaceful, beautiful Sweden is ideal for you... And you won't even have to speak perfect Swedish to get around!

What Language Should You Learn?

What's your current mood? Mine is:

2005-09-12T20:58:00.000Z

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed
Unsettled
Cool

Mood Ring Generator

Well...

2005-09-05T10:44:00.000Z

Today I'm chillin out!
Saturday I was showing an Aussie around London with some
friends and will carry on tomorrow! Met her on Friday eve and
also watched films both nights! Needless to say I'm tired!
Went to church yesterday which was cool! Good to see friends
and gain another one from Holland! I've not been sleeping very
well for the past week or so though. Last night was no exception.
It was hot and I just had to get up in the end at about 2:30am.

So at 12:03 I'm still in my pjs and haven't had breackie!
I watched The Tribe this morn! That programe's class! My
bro recorded it from saturday! Also recieved half of a
belated birthday present from one of my aunties this morn!
It's very cool! A book called Ancient Egyptian Queens, a
hieroglyphic dicionary For those that might want to know,
it's by Wolfram Grajetzki! Exactly the sort of thing I like! :-)

I have been considering getting a tattoo as well. Not
saying I'll get it done yet! A lot of thought needs to go into it!
I may not do it. Just an idea. Well something I used to wanna get
done when I was younger. I went off the idea because it will remain
on your arm forever! If I do get one, it'll be a small one on my
inner wrist. I've thought about having a horse one (the symbol of
the celtic Iceni tribe). The question is, would I want it until I die? I
also know that some Christians don't agree with the idea of getting
tattoos. I know quite a few at my church who don't have objections
and have them. One view is that it just depends on your intentions.

In some ancient cultures where they originated, tattoos meant that
you were a slave but with others, it showed you as part of a tribe/
particular community. It was also used for war in some. The Bible
seems to draw on the slave meaning so it is seen as negetive. I
wonder if most Christians think that Biblical tattoos are okay
(showing eligance to Christ/slave to Christ etc) or that tattoos are
mearly fashion and arn't such a big deal.

Hmmm interesting...

Woohoo!

2005-08-30T16:17:00.000Z

Feeling good!

I've been taking pics with my new digital camera!
A Canon Powershot A520! Just need to get the hang of
all the settings and possibilities! It's a good one for
getting pro shots!

Also, here are more reasons for me feeling great

(note I'm Alanna_Halfelven as you probably will guess).

I'm also meeting up with friends this week and next!
Going out for lunch with one of them tomorrow!

My Birthday was good, I have lots of goodies and have money!

Life looks grand today!

My Birthday!

2005-08-27T12:55:00.000Z

I'm 20 tomorrow! I'm 20 tomorrow!
I'm 20 tomorrow! I'm 20 tomorrow!
I'm 20 tomorrow! I'm 20 tomorrow!
I'm 20 tomorrow! I'm 20 tomorrow!
I'm 20 tomorrow! I'm 20 tomorrow!

Lol I'm excited!!!!!!
Haven't got much planned actually
but still... It's grand!!!!!!
And coz I've been working I have
money! Plus Birthday money...
Well that makes a small fortune!!
(Please note that for a while I
have been strapped for cash lol)

Going to church tomorrow morn
and I'm looking forward to that!

This is the last post that I will
make as a 19 year old!

Happy days!!!!

Poetry corner!

2005-08-22T15:44:00.000Z

Both poems written by me 18/08/05.
-----------------------------------------

Wondering Gypsy

I feel like the leaves of Autumn,
Blown to and fro, unknown where and when I'll land.
Turning all the colours of the sun,
Happy yellow, uncertain orange, tearstained red.

A lone gysy wondering the land,
wondering though life,
while others come and go.
Like a leaf, a gypsy wondering alone.

A season for everything:
Birth, life, wondering and dying.
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter.
Like a leaf floating in Autumn,
The Gypsey walks but doesn't settle.

The great tree stands,
still and calm, steady as a rock,
There with open arms,
Even while floating,
I know it's there.

A gypsy sees it when passing,
but still wondering.
She is in Autumn.
-------------------------------------

Réalta

The stars at night,
steady and true,
sparkling and guiding,
peaceful, amazing.

Many a ship has been steared to safety.
Many a pilgrim seeking the way has gazed.
Many a lounger looking upwards at beauty.
Many an ancient looking for guidence.

The moon highlight's the stars' beauty.
Over land or water, the stars hold steady.

In a world of change a glimpse of eternity.

The wind changes

2005-08-18T07:31:00.003Z

Okay well the idea of changing my degree to English Lit has fallen
through. The convenor says I can't do it.
Bummer!
Back to being confuzed, not knowing what I want and having even
less time to decide. Okay truthfully you probably don't know how
badly I did this year. I think I have a habit of making things seem
lighter than they are even to my family who I live with. They were
suprised. They said they had no idea by looking at me. I probably
don't even register that I'm doing it sometimes. Ever the optimist
and idealist. Being realistic is harder.

For the past four years I've been unsettled in studies. Over the past
two, I've been unsettled in friendships as well. Mostly because of uni.
The question is, when will I stop being blown around? When will I feel
like I'm actually getting into something?

One day things look great, the next looks bad. I'm up and down more
times than a yo yo.

I suppose God gave me a clear sign about whether to go for single
English or not but what do I do next? Do I go back to where I was
or leave? If I leave, my A-levels wern't good so it might be hard to
find a job and if I stay, I have to know I really want to carry on.
The idea of leaving makes me feel guilty and the idea of carrying
on makes me feel pressured.

To carry on apparently I need to find something within myself to
drive me. But how? Who knows?

Welcome to the soap that is my life.

Please keep praying guys! It makes a difference even if you pray
for just one second.

One second of your life may contribute to my life over the next
few years.

Duh duh duh!!!!!!

2005-08-16T16:20:00.000Z

I came to a decision about uni last week!
I've been getting things sorted for next year which is why I haven't
posted for a few days!

I've decided to carry on at uni but doing a single hons in English
Literature rather than continuing to combine it with Classical
Civilisation!

I've felt relief and happier about this decision.
Without having previously studied Classics or had experience in
the subject I was overwhelmed! As a result my grades in English
were pulled down too. Studying two subjects makes things harder
anyway. I think it was too much to try and concentrate and learn
definitions for two seperate subjects. This makes things easier.

Although I love ancient history and have researched into it
personally, I think it's slightly different from studying it.
Also, I've never really been into ancient Greece! I did OK
in the Roman topics but there was too much about Greece and
nothing about Egypt which I know a fair bit about.

I will always love ancient history though and I'll carry on in it
someway. I'm always reading books about it or something.
It's a part of me. I might volunteer to work in
the British Museum a few hours a week and maybe do some
courses in ancient history later.

Anyway, I love Literature too and now I get to spend more
time on it. I know I'm better at studying this subject. Even
a classics lecturer I went to see last week said I seemed to
be better at literature based topics.

I'm still waiting for replies from uni about how long it will
take me to make up modules etc. I predict that I will have
to do an extra full-time year to get English credits up!
Maybe a bit more.

Well it's been a tough couple of years but I feel happier now!

Thanks for your prayers!

I've gotta get back to an essay now. I've got to hand two in
by next week. Both resits for English.
Okay so far!

Website of the day!

2005-08-11T09:18:00.000Z

http://www.blades-uk.com/

Okay I've known about this site for ages but if
you're bored and like weapons and LOTRs then
have a peak! This sells display (and possibly practical)
weapons cheaper than I've seen elsewhere on the net
besides Ebay (depending on how the auction goes)!
They do a fair amount of movie replicas
and have a good variety in general!

If only I had the money...
*sigh*

P.S. My life is still not going in any particualr direction at
the mo concerning work and uni! Been switching decisions
again but went to my new cell group last night and
was prayed for which is good! I'm completely and utterly sure
that I'll come to a decision soon. Well I have to because time is
running out BIG time! I have a week at most to decide and probs
less than that! In fact if any of you guys could pray for me about
this, that would be great! Big life decision!

Poetry corner

2005-08-04T11:38:00.000Z

My Favorite Psalm:

I look up to the mountains -
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made the heavens and the earth!

He will not let you stumble or fall;
the one who watches over you will
not sleep. Indeed he never tires
and never sleeps.

The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your
protective shade. The sun will not
hurt you by day, nor the moon at
night.

The Lord keeps you from all evil
and preserves your life. The
Lord keeps watch over you as
you come and go, both now and
forever.

Psalm 121
(New Living Translation)

Road Trip!

2005-07-27T09:29:00.000Z

Hey everytime I post these days it's always gig related!
Well Yesterday was great fun! Me and my friend Hannah
went up to Berkhamsted to a random field!
Well okay not so random but it felt like it!
A couple of bands were playing as part of an
outrach project which has been running all week!
The first band called My Spoon was playing
(H's bf is the drummer) and featured the lead singer (Jon)
from Lukas . The second was Soulcry and they
were great! I highly recommend them! Got a bargin CD for
£1 :-p (4 tracks). There was one true moment of rock n roll
when a couple came in complaining of the noise! But the
show went on! There wasn't that many people there but it
was still cool! If you think about it, it was almost like a private
concert!

On the way back me, H and Dean had a bit of a sing song
and a knee tap to a well prepared compilation by H! ;-)

Also took some photos last night!

And if you're reading this H, Have a great time in Corfu!!!!!!
Rock on and Woot :-p!

Well regarding uni, my decision is still up and down! My mum
said something last night (after the road trip lol) that I thought
was quite true. She was saying that I don't realize how good an
opportunity it is! Maybe I don't. The thing is, I haven't had the will
power or the determination to do whatever it takes to use an
oppertunity when it gets hard! Apparently it's coz I don't realize how
good these opportunities are. Admittedly, I think that's always been
a weakness. Or at least that's what my mum's observed! She thinks
I lack maturity in that respect and have been sheltered. May be she's
right! So I'm praying for determination for uni if that's the way to go!
On the other hand maybe God will lead me to a job in order to find
that instead.

I hope I find the answer soon. I will need to make a decision.

Quick update!

2005-07-23T17:51:00.000Z

So since I last posted...
I went to another gig in London. Very cool!
Well I enjoyed myself anyway :-p
Had a dance and head bang!
www.tankusthehenge.com

Will be going to another one of their gigs I think!
Had a great time and mingled with some people there!
Very nice they were to!
I didn't really know the group I went with very
well apart from one friend and I haven't seen her
for about a year! Was good to see her again
although obviously I was slightly seperate from
the group. Did my own thing during the gig
and it was fun. I made sure I had a good night and
chatted to other peeps there!

Hmm well more bombs in London went off
although they didn't work properly *phew*...
And haven't been doing much!
Still haven't recieved confirmed results so
I still don't know if I'm going back next year!

Well tonight I'll watch Constantine on DVD
with my familly with some popcorn
although my dad said it might not be suitable
for him and my mum :-p

Catch up and perrrrtty pics!

2005-07-11T13:40:00.000Z

Today has been good!
Went to the bank this morn to sort out some stuff
and did a bit of job hunting! Over the weekend I
went to the Croydon Festival which was great!
Unfortunately I didn't take the camera! I went on
sat but could't make it on sun so I missed the
Eastern music!!!! That was a bummer coz I like Eatern
stuff but I had a lot of fun on sat! A famous Jazz musician
from the 70s was playing as well! I think his name is Ray Air!
Not a jazz nut but it was fun and his band were good!!!!

Yesterday I took my first artistic photos!
Have a look if you like!
Hoping for a new digicam for my birthday! Yaaaaay!

perrrrrrrtty pics

Bombs in London

2005-07-07T13:24:00.000Z

Here's a poem I wrote today inspired by the bombs
going off here in London. My dad is right in the
middle of it today, working in the underground.
He has not been injured or hit thank God but he
easily could have and many people have been
affected. Some have died, some injured and
families of those hit are hurting. But amoungst it
all I want to add some hope and maybe some
clarity in chaos.

Here it is:

Terror grips the nation,
Chaos fills the air,
There seems to be no explanation,
But hatred and fear.

Once again like old time,
There is always war,
But we need not pine,
For God is worthy of awe.

Glory amoungst fear,
Truth amoungst lies,
Hope amoungst dispair,
Comfort amoungst tries.

Jesus said long ago,
That we should not fear,
For he’s with us where’er we go,
And embraces us here.

Doulos!!!!

2005-07-06T07:38:00.000Z

Hi ya!

Well yesterday was a mixed bag! Good and bad! Went into uni to get
results and to be honest they wern't good but I knew that already!
I'm just relieved that I have them and can work out what to do next
from there. I know there's still hope and there's always a way forwards!
God is good.

Now then part two of yesterday was great! I went to a gig last night &
a very good one too! My mates were playing at The Cartoon! Went to
support them and they rocked!!!!! They're a heavy metal band called
Doulos and boy can they play! At the moment they're compiling a CD
& you can hear a bit of their music on their site

www.bringthepit.com
which I'll also link to in my Music, Media & Fun Stuff section!

I took a few photos on my digicam (well my mum's lol), and
if you wanna check it out here they are:

My photos!

Great stuff!

Cheeryier today!

2005-06-30T14:21:00.001Z

Well today is a different story to yesterday!
I'm feeling okay!
God just reminded me that although there is a lot of rubbish that goes on
in the world there is also hope. Being a daughter of God who is good and
all powerful means a lot. God is King of Kings.

Today I recieved the gummy bracelets and gothic collar I ordered yay!
I'm wearing the bracelets but the collar will have to wait for another
time! I need to find something to wear that really goes with it!
I'm going to the Summer Fest tonight! Yay!
Made a little progress with studies. I did a bit of reasearch and found
more on the topic than I did before. That gave me a bit of a boost. I had
lost what I had researched on the net from before too so I was a bit
discouraged before I really started this morn.

Death but where's the glory?

2005-06-29T15:52:00.000Z

Not feeling particualrly good today!
It's been uneventful giving me a fair amount of time to think
about life the universe and everything!
So far I've come up with...

1/. I hope I die while young.
Only problem with that is, I haven't done anything worthwhile
yet for people to remember me by. When I was younger I thought
it would be good to die in my twenties while I'm in my "prime",
best looking and do something which would lead people to say
"oh such a shame she had so much potential" e.g. uni students that
die are viewed as tragic. I am a uni student but they wouldn't be able
to say "oh she was such a good student". Also thought it would be a
good idea to be killed in the midst of doing something heroic.

2/. I have no idea where my life is leading.
Uni hasn't gone well by any stretch of the imagination and to be
honest I don't really want to carry on next year if I have to go though
what I went through for the first, second years and before that, A-levels.
I don't even know if they'll take me back anyway. If I don't finish uni
though, my life looks set to be completely rubbish.

3/. I feel numb on the whole.

The songs that describe me best at the mo are Evanescence's songs
"Bring me to life" and "Tourniquet". If you want the lyrics you can
always google it. If I put them on here it would make this post
looooooooong!

Anyway something to cheer you up :-)
Here's a link to a death clock. A kind of estimate of when you're
going to die and tells you how many seconds you have. It also
counts down every second. A bit of fun! Shame it says I have until
2064. Far too long for me! Darn I still have tons of years left on
this wretched planet!

http://www.deathclock.com/

It would be good if I could go to the Summer Fest at my church
tonight! However I may not be able to get lifts! :-(

Okay so I haven't been on here in a long time!

2005-06-27T17:39:00.000Z

I've been turning into a goth lately! Over the past few weeks!
Started buying the clothes on sat in Brighton!
Great! Also went into church the next day wearing my new gear!
Ordered some accessories off the net as well today!
This included the Goth labelled studded collar and purple
gummy wristbands.
http://www.kathmanduonline.co.uk/index.cfm
(I went into the Underworld section)

As many already know (coz I've told them), this expresses me!
The look is so creative and there's so much you can do!
In the couple of goth shops I've been into, they are the nicest and
friendliest people and really take care of their customers.

Well this blog will start to change now to a gothic style.
Hopefully will sort most of it out today!
So much has happened since I last blogged!

Have a summer fest at church this week! Will be going to some
of that! Also wanna check out a gothic/punk/alternative
church in London sometime!
http://home.att.net/~robschellert/whoweare.htm

By the way, things with my grandad are a bit better.
He certainly looks healthier so that's a good thing!
Also, I am feeling better since the last time I posted.
Things with me and my church are improving.
Plus of course I have this new look to think about!
I'm quite excited about this and I feel more comfortable!

Life so far...

2005-06-10T17:57:00.000Z

Well still need to get a lot of study done over the
summer holiday to catch up. That's blah but my own fault!
There is new research for my special essay for next year
to be done and I am doing research with a friend for
work experience we're gonna do together.
Meeting up with her next week.

Today... I attempted to do work but as usual, didin't!
Hmm recieved an interesting package but I shall say no more ;-)
Erm...
Oh and my grandad had a fit last night in his sleep!
He's had cancer for a while now. Been having kimo therepy
and is deteriorating stupidly quickly. He's dying and my
mum says he's in denial about it. He tries to do normal
things which I think is cool although he's struggling.
Better to be in denial then depressed and even so, he may
not be in denial. He may just want to carry on for as long
as he's got. Although, I suppose I haven't seen him in a while.
Wasn't sure I wanted to see him in this state. In fact I saw him
last week in the street but he didin't recognise me and he walked
up to someone's house before I could say hi. Can't believe he
didn't even recognise me!!!!!!!! Usually he walks up and says hi
and catches me before I catch him and that would have been 1 or
2 weeks before this! I will go and see him anyway to boost his
and my gran's spirits. Apparently they associate me with happiness
and well being. I can understand why :-). Too optimistic even for
my own good sometimes!

However, this morning I was thinking that life generaly sucks.
I can live with it of course but just thinking that life on Earth
for every person isn't really that good. Plus there is no nice way
to die although it's a fact of life.

I can live with life here but with all the chaos and rubbish it
sucks and that's a fact. Of course you get good bits in life but
really it's crapo! There's too much sin (excuse the old
Christian lingo). It generally makes life bad!

Poor Adam and Eve though! Being labled as the people to bring
sin into the world and as a result, death, suffering etc etc.
How long have they been known for that! Well I don't blame
them all that much :-) I might have been tempted to do the same
and in fact, I'm temped quite easily these days!

Well I think all of this "life sucks" is a good start for a
poem. Actually I did write one ages ago on that subject but
today I think I'll leave the poetry to a master!

Here's a bit of a cheeky one:

Sharing Eve's Apple

O BLUSH not so! O blush not so!
Or I shall think you knowing;
And if you smile the blushing while,
Then maidenheads are going.

There's a blush for won't, and a blush for shan't,
And a blush for having done it:
There's a blush for thought and a blush for naught,
And a blush for just begun it.

O sigh not so! O sigh not so!
For it sounds of Eve's sweet pippin;
By these loosen'd lips you have tasted the pips
And fought in an amorous nipping.

Will you play once more at nice-cut-core,
For it only will last our youth out,
And we have the prime of the kissing time,
We have not one sweet tooth out.

There's a sigh for yes, and a sigh for no,
And a sigh for I can't bear it!
O what can be done, shall we stay or run?
O cut the sweet apple and share it!

Posthumous and Fugitive Poems

http://www.john-keats.com/

Okay, maybe I should give a bit more variation than Keats in future!

Anyway, we're stuck with death and sorrow until be die :-P
I don't feel so sorry for my grandad when he goes coz it's
us we should be worried about. We're still gonna be here! :-p.
He'll be in Heaven partying away.
Hmm I really need to crack this studying thing. Feeling
a bit bummed about that right now.

I think Marvin the Robot said it best:
"Life, don't talk to me about life"

Or maybe I should take an Addams family approach
"It's so nice and gloomy" - Morticia Addams (1960s series).

Love the original Addams family series and the recentish films!
The newer series was rubbish!

Life...

2005-06-07T17:45:00.000Z

Hmmm spiritually things are pretty good at the mo.
Everything else could be better including my church but hey.

I need to find something good to do this summer. I was thinking
of taking up art classes but haven't found any as yet!
My church is doing some arty type stuff but not sure if I can just do
art or if I have to do singing etc too. Plus that only lasts for a week.

Had a good weekend in Bristol with friends and at their church
conference which was really good!

Hope everything gets better for me back here. I should do some
more study now. Blah. Well I will after I've made a few
adjustments to this blog and finish chatting on MSN and
after dinner ahem.

Update...

2005-05-29T15:49:00.000Z

Wanna know what I've been up to lately?

Click here!

How lazy am I? Better than typing out stuff already said though!
Just so you know, my name is LMiss_Sunshine on there!

Have a good day chappos!

Today is rosey

2005-05-23T12:00:00.000Z

Hi! Today I feel okay!

On study leave and I need to do work in a sec coz I've been naughty so far.
Haven't done any work yet today. Oh my library fines are creeping up which isn't good!
Anyhow... I'm not bad.
Hmmm I want to get a book on Sarah and Abraham from the Bible.
Wanna get a good one!

Anyway...

Time's a wasting! Tempest fugid!

The blogger has returned!

2005-05-21T14:56:00.000Z

Well studying is going well thanks to some support!
All is good!
Saw Star Wars Episode 3 last night! Brilliant stuff! I was very impressed!
I would recommend that everyone sees it!
Tragic and a real emotional film but if you know the whole story of the
other films you know there's a happy ending etc!

I like the films although I'm not a Star Wars fanatic. Even so, I loved
Episode 3! George Lucas was saving his money for this one!

Anyway, all is good and I'd better get back to looking into the
Roman Byzantium Empire! Essay on Martyrdom and
monasticism in the Early Church.

On this fine Sunday afternoon...

2005-05-15T14:04:00.000Z

Hello there!

Not feeling so good today. Okay but have a
presentation tomorrow and am just not focused.
Haven't done much for it really.
Life would be so much easier without studying!
Although the problems I have with it could be
mirrored if I was doing something else anyway.

Just am not so good today! I have far too much
to do for my studies in general!

Hmmm... phoning a friend may be a good idea.

Might feel a bit better.

Hello my readers of few!

2005-05-13T14:04:00.000Z

Went to the bar earlier before looking at the Narnia website ;-)!
Was cool!

I'm okay. Could be better could be worse.

You know, I can't wait to get to Heaven! I don't know much
about it nor what it's like. To see and experience a magical
world is a dream. Somewhere perfect.
I can't wait to see Jesus!

I know that some of you are believers and some of you
arn't if anyone at all is reading this.

The weather's nice outside and the library's peaceful.
There's just the tap tap tap of fingers on keyboards!

In fact I could do with Jesus right now!

He's kind, loyal, merciful, loving, caring, giving,
considerate, strong and magestic!

If anyone has the privilage of knowing him too,
you'll know what I mean. He's a great character!

A bit like Narnia, some of you will believe me when
I say that I spent time with him this morning
(in his presence). Some of you won't.
This morning I wasn't speaking very much,
just laying back and being myself. Uttered a prayer or
two but just spent time with him. Those that know him
will agree that his presence is sweet and unlike anything else.
It's refreshing and I didn't know until recently that not
spending time with him regularly has an effect.
I didn't for a few weeks and then felt that I really needed
more of him. After spending more time with him, I feel
refreshed, more chilled out and happy. I think after you start
being with him, you get addicted. You want more and you feel
like that's how things are supossed to be.
One of those things that's hard to explain unless you know him.

Well, I had better go and do some work now.

LONG LIVE THE LION OF JUDAH,
KING OF KINGS AND SAVIOUR!
FATHER, FRIEND AND COMFORTER!

The one that made us what we are:
Kings and queens under his banner, his children and
rulers of the earth to be!
Not a bad destiny!

Amazing to think that he has individual tasks for all of us
and great rewards to follow.
Not only does he supply us with everything we need but
also wants to continually more than we have!
Pushes beyond our expectations.

Anyway I did say that I was going to do some work!
I had better go!

Week round up!

2005-05-07T20:53:00.000Z

Well this week's been interesting.
Haven't done much studying but you know, whatever.

Spent quite a lot of time in one of our uni bars
which was cool. Basicly hung out with people there
from my English course and on Friday with a couple
of other peeps. Have done that a few times
now which is good. Finally settling in properly.
Takes time as everyone knows to form good freindships
although I suppose it depends what your situations are.

Anyway, so yeah for a few weeks I've been going down
there. This week I went 4 times!!

Okay I have been a bit naughty too. On thursday I
went to the bar with some friends from Classics.
We were studying Greek together to prep for a lecture
but kinda gave up so instead we...
Didn't go to the lecture and went to the bar for a
drink. Well one of my friends was already drunk
when she set foot into the library to study.

Anyway so I hung out there and had a couple of drinks...
Then went to an English lecture rather light headed
in a calm sort of a way. Of course I don't drink
much so the drinks did have some effect and no doubt
more than I realized! To be honest
though I was tempted to get trashed. I've never been
drunk in my life and at that point I thought...
hey why not!!!

But I stopped myself coz I wanted to be able to go to
the Eng lecture on Keats lol!

I think even a strong Christian can be really tempted
to compromise sometimes. Must admit I have felt like
church has been getting boring... Like it's not
going anywhere lately.

I hate computers!!!

2005-05-07T20:47:00.000Z

One of our comps has something wrong with it!
My dad's had to download everything again!
Inevitably stuff has been lost. Couldn't back much up.
Only my uni work has been saved!

Bye bye music on iTunes, downloaded music and videos,
wallpapers, screensavers, Internet favorites
(some of which were good sites for uni).
All cool personal touches... Lost!

How naff is that! Things like this have happened
before when something isn't saved properly or have
to download everything back or something!

We rely on computers for practicaly everything but
they are not completely relaible.

Random poem!

2005-04-24T18:47:00.000Z

I just wrote this now!

As I look into a window called fantasy,
Wisdom glows bright.
The light shimmers from her eyes,
And tells of delight.

Understanding and over-ruled by love,
She glides over the surface,
Guided by one true love.

Peace and serenity are in her eyes,
And experience,
A tale of many woes,
Spoken from a past life.

Now complete happiness guides her eyes,
And they speak,
They tell of truth and born majesty.

A crown is placed on her head,
And jewels glitter on her robe,
But all the more powerful and potent,
Is herself.

Inspired by Galadriel.

So...

2005-04-21T12:18:00.000Z

I'm finally typing another post!
Perhaps I'll do it more often now that I've sorted out
study and am set on the right tracks.

I've been reading the Narnia Chronicles again!
Hurrah! It's jolly good lol!
I was actually suprised when I went back to it
(in an impressed way)! I loved it when I was younger
and I still love it now, just as much! Although this time
I understand a lot more of it! I've wanted to read them
again for a while now. I started reading the LWW a few
weeks ago, then some of Prince Caspian but left it for a while
coz of sorting study etc.

The books got me hooked in the old days and I literally couldn't
put them down! That hasn't changed! I was reading Prince Caspian
on the train back from Uni yesterday and I missed my stop coz I was
so engrossed! When I was walking from the station, I still had my
eyes glued to the pages!

Narnia never looses its magic!
All the parallels to the Bible are really interesting. I've actually
been learning things I have forgotten and certain things have
been enforced!Although I am 19 I can relate to the kids and
find myself particularly relating to Lucy. Of course I'm only
on the second book of the Chronicles but Lucy stood out. Her
comments make me laugh at times! She comes out with some
great stuff!

Anyway, the style of writting and imagery always captures
my imagination! In fact, I'd say that the books have had
a good spiritual effect on me!

The world of Narnia never ceases to amaze. It's a work of genius
combining imagination, Biblical truths (for me), mythology,
links to their present but now our history and
creating characters that everyone can relate to!
It's no mean skill! I love the quirky language too.
It's nice to read something so innocent and well meaning.
C.S. Lewis did a great job! Mayabe he even had help from someone
I know who's a lot like Aslan ;-)

Narnia!

2005-04-16T11:08:00.000Z

Hi!
Well I just can't wait until The Lion The
Witch and The Wardrobe comes out!
I've known about the film since last year and
it's killing me!Okay well maybe I can wait and I'll
have to coz it's coming out this December!

However for you Narnia fans there is something to
hang on to! Two chapters of the Making of the film
are up on the official site in my links section but
here it is too www.narnia.com/

Here's another good site for Narnia News and you
can take a peak at the cast list! I think you'll
be happy about some of the people in the list!

NarniaWeb: Your Source for Narnia Movie News

I LOVE NARNIA!!!!!

Anyone else on here ever read the Chronicles?
Who loved it as a child and who loves it now?
Come on, fess up!

I think I've decided to move!

2005-04-10T16:52:00.000Z

Hi! Well in light of my trip to Ireland I've been thinking...
about moving there after I finish uni (1 yr and half left)! Yay!
Well I'm always banging on about nature and there was so much
that I liked about the place! I've told some friends and my parents
about the idea. My parents seemed like they approved and the friends
I've told so far about it all, like it! Of course I'll chat with my friends
out there about it too!

I want to do this for several reasons:

1. The scenery, nature and mountains etc.
2. I've been told that there's a nice sense of community.
3. Dublin's more laid back than London although I may live in Wicklow.
4. I've been at home for uni. I've lived here all my life and don't particulary
like the place :-)
5. It's the best time of my life to move somewhere if I want to. Friends
have moved on to different places over here in England.
6. It's different and I'm up for a bit of an adventure! I'm ready for a
change to my life!
7. I just have a good feel about the place!
8. I want to travel around the world but there's no one to go with.
I also want to travel as part of my job anyway.

Plus I think that God's guiding me there!

So I've been thinking about that for the past few days. It's all good!
Of course I have over a year to go before I finish uni so that's time
enough to think and talk about it all more.
I don't know how long I'd live there for but that's okay. A lot of the
things I was looking for or have liked for lifestyle can be found there
I think. I always assumed that I'd have them in England but not necissarily...

And I'm back!

2005-04-06T11:13:00.000Z

Ireland
Originally uploaded by LMiss_Sunshine.

Okay I've been back for a few days now but there we go.
Had a fantastic time out there!
Stayed with some old family friends in Southern Ireland.
Lovely people they are too!
Hopefully I'll be going back to visit in the summer!

This photo was taken of the village
that was used for the series Ballylissangel.
Had a Guinness in the pub! Had to be done really.

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-28T15:42:00.000Z

I'm off to Ireland in two days!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

***********************************************

Matthew 28: The Resurrection

1After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week,
Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

2There was a violent earthquake,
for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and,
going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it.
3His appearance was like lightning,
and his clothes were white as snow.
4The guards were so afraid of him that they shook
and became like dead men.

5The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid,
for I know that you are looking for Jesus,
who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen,
just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.
7Then go quickly and tell his disciples:
‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead
of you into Galilee.There you will see him.’
Now I have told you.”

8So the women hurried away from the tomb,
afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples.
9Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said.
They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him.
10Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid.
Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee;
there they will see me.”

The Guards' Report
11While the women were on their way, some of the guards
went into the city and reported to the chief priests
everything that had happened. 12When the chief priests
had met with the elders and devised a plan,
they gave the soldiers a large sum of money,
13telling them, “You are to say,
‘His disciples came during the night and
stole him away while we were asleep.’
14If this report gets to the governor,
we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.”
15So the soldiers took the money
and did as they were instructed. And this story has been
widely circulated among the Jews to this very day.

The Great Commission
16Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee,
to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go.
17When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.
18Then Jesus came to them and said,
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything
I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always,
to the very end of the age.”

Footnotes:

a. Matthew 28:19 Or into; see Acts 8:16; 19:5;
Romans 6:3; 1 Cor. 1:13; 10:2 and Gal. 3:27.

Poem Corner!

2005-03-22T11:07:00.000Z

Here's something I wrote last night and polished up today!
I'm no Keats but I hope you like it.
Poetry's become the usual way for me to express
myself although I have a go at other things now and again.
I started writting during the second year of my A-levels.
Helped with the stress and I think expression is something
that helps you think.

Anyway here it is!

A BIT OF HEAVEN!

I long to live near the sea,
To see the waves crashing ahead of me,
A place with roaring waterfalls,
Glassy rivers and streams,
A place where I can often stand and dream.

I imagine the trickle
Of water over rocks and polished pebbles,
The assortment of trees rustling in the gentle wind,
While I stand on a big beautiful terrace,
Owning a panoramic view.

I often imagine trees of great height
With the birds singing,
Although at times out of sight.

Glistening mountains in the distance,
Stretching far and wide,
A brilliant sky of red, yellow, orange, pink and blue.

I'm standing by curved ornaments created of old,
The arches and statues working in harmony
With nature.
The leaves and vines intertwined with the stoney forms.

Here is calm, peace and rest in solitude,
With company it changes to joy in amplitude!

Hmmm...

2005-03-20T21:55:00.000Z

Well I'm pretty tired at the mo.
Church was good today.
I'm on my Easter break (yay) and have a few days
in Ireland to look forward to.
I'll be going in a couple of weeks but I'm still excited!
God is good as always so everything's cool!

I just wish I could find a way to create images
of beautiful landscapes. I'm not much good at painting
although I have painted propheticaly.
I only draw like that as well really. I'm not really a singer
apart from doing the usual singing in the bath or around the house.
I write poetry so I have created images that way.
I also like arranging things to look good like with this blog.
I like designing.

I just wonder where these will go. So far I've done
these on occasion. Perhaps I'd like to do
more prophetic creations. Haven't done those for a while.
Prophetic painting would be good. The one I remember doing
the most was when I painted some mountains,
a colourful sky and a valley.

These days I've been looking at art and
appreciating it in all their forms. Perhaps I'm just
finding my style and I suppose that's okay.

Actually I really fancy having a prophetic painting
session with my cell group. It's really cool when you can
all stand back at the end and see what picture God
has given you. I don't even think I have paint at home besides
my brother's water colours left on a shelf!

There's really cool art where people have used
photographs and printed them with new colour schemes.
That's a current fave of mine.

It's just a part of me really. It's part of how I work.
Sometimes without realising it, I end up designing
e.g. when I'm searching for certain desktop wallpapers
and pictures and then put them in a particular order to
follow on from each other. If you have a mac OS X then
you'll know what I mean. I do it in a way so
that the images have a certain effect.

Funny really.

Well anyway I think I've thought for long enough.

I'm tired. Good Night all.

Poem corner!

2005-03-15T15:47:00.000Z

FLAWLESS

They strut when they walk,
Macho and aggressive,
Looking confident and arrogant,
Wearing their swaggers,
As a form of self protection.

A self protection that says to the world,
Keep away from me,
Don't mess with me,
Or I'll hurt you,
When all the time,
It's really them who are afraid.

They bowl around,
With exaggerated machismo,
Looking like they fear no one,
When deep down they are terrified.

They walk toughly,
And punctuate their mannerisms with aggression,
But it's no more than a facade,
A self preservation warning,
That they would fight,
Rather than die.

They wear their aggression,
Like armour,
An armour formed from the roots
Of tough and disturbing childhoods,
An armour constructed,
From growing up in tough places.

An armour formed from loveless environments,
Uncaring parents,
Violent parents,
Abusing parents.

An armour like shell,
That covers the deep soft centres
Of true love and beauty,
Hard coal like exteriors,
That cover rich diamond centres.

Only love can chip away,
The crude dirty coal like surfaces,
And free the diamonds,
And only love can make them,
Raw priceless treasures,
And only love's nurturing,
Can polish and make these diamonds,
Pure, clean and flawless.

By a friend of mine,
Paul Warwick

Taken from his third collection of poems.

lothlorien

2005-03-14T22:25:00.000Z

lothlorien
Originally uploaded by LMiss_Sunshine.

Good night.

the_passion_of_the_christ11

2005-03-13T20:22:00.000Z

the_passion_of_the_christ11
Originally uploaded by LMiss_Sunshine.

Hi well this picture sums up this site really! It's one of my favorite scenes in film which comes from...yes you guessed it..."The Passion".
I just had to post it on here! I saw it on the net a while ago and fell in love with this pose. I think a lot of meaning can be read from this image but it could just be me...

Morning!

2005-03-12T09:54:00.000Z

Today I'm at work (at an Estate Agents).
As you may or my not know, I'm a uni student and work on Saturdays!
So far so good concerning work! Study I must admit is backsliding so that's something I have to get on top of!
At uni I'm studying Classical Civilisation and English Literature so on some of my posts you will probably find pictures of my favorite ancient landscapes and maybe the occasional poem!
I'm also a nature and National Trust lover so pictures of greenery will be appearing soon! Perhaps some random Greek quotes and such will be appearing.

My title for this blog is "Sanctus Est" which is Latin, meaning "He is Holy". I got it from the film The Passion of the Christ. If you want to check out the site then here it is: http://www.thepassionofthechrist.com/splash.htm Yay my first link on here!
Much of my inspiration comes from my faith in Jesus. So in a way this sight is also dedicated to him!

Oh dear I've just been rumbled! My boss has caught me on the net a second time! She's lovely. Better log off and come back later! I'm being a tad disrespectful really.

Adios for now!

Welcome!

2005-03-11T16:29:00.000Z

This is my first post on Sanctus Est!
I hope you enjoy my rants on this site!
Have a look around and check things out when I get this page up and running!